Wednesday 30 March 2011

Ops, Bung Did It Again!

It's not the first time that Malaysian MP Datuk Bung Mokhtar Radin created an uproar among women groups with his sexist remarks. About 2 years ago, in response to a female opposition MP during a debate about Parliament's leaking roofs, he said: “Where is the leak? (She) leaks every month, too.” After a week of being bashed up in the media by women groups, he apologised.
Yesterday, he again created news by making chauvinistic remarks about women drivers. He claimed that most women drivers were slow and paid little attention while on the road. “When you honk at them, they get agitated with some even showing hand gestures to other drivers,” he said in Parliament on Monday.
What is wrong with this guy? He doesn't have any respect towards women. He took a sexy young actress last year as his second wife, then got summoned to the syariah court for marrying without permission. See, he doesn't even have the guts to do it properly.
Can we even call this guy a "man"? No guts, no balls!

Monday 28 March 2011

For the Sake of the Kids?

Someone named Watie wrote to me telling me her story being cheated by her husband. In short: a housewife who cooks and cleans, takes care of the kids, everything a good wife should and would do, and in the end found out that her husband is having an affair with his colleague. And the sad thing was, her husband creates bad stories about her to attract other women. She's now suffering in silence for the sake of her children.
My reply to her:
Dear Watie,
I can understand how you feel. I do feel that way sometimes, at times, all the time. Life can never be the same. Yes, women can be stupid at times. I was stupid too! But men are more stupid actually - for not appreciating what's there in front of them.
Once I was so down and depressed, but I finally believe that I am not at the losing end. It is his lost and not mine. I did leave him. Because I believe I am strong and I can live my life without a man who can't appreciate what a great wife I am. I can live on my own with my daughter. But my husband can't. He realised it in just a couple of days how his life would be if both of us walked out on him.
I'm not suggesting that you do what I did. But you must believe in yourself. And at one point, you need to think about yourself. That you are worth more than you think. I'm not the best person to comment actually because I am different and a little bit crazy :) And to top that, I am a bit of a feminist. Also, I watched too much Oprah! But I do pray you will find happiness. And I pray your husband will eventually realise what an amazing wife he actually has at home.

Sunday 27 March 2011

Go Green, Ways to Save Electricity

I might not be doing so much in my efforts to go green, but I always try whenever I can. My three tips in going green by saving electricity:
1) I always switch off the lights when I leave a room. And those that are not so necessary. In the mornings, the first thing I do is to switch off the light at the back of the house that we always turn on the whole night to light up the back lane.
2) I only wash full loads. I air-dry our clothes. I don't own a dryer. We get enough sunlight in this country to dry the clothes.
3) I always try to use the fan instead of air-conditioning. If the weather is too hot that we need to switch it on, I set the timer to 3-4 hours.

How Can We Ever Forget?

My life after the betrayal has been, what should I call it, "disturbed". I am not the kind to easily forget even though I easily forgive. I hate it when I wake up in the morning and the first thing that came to my mind is the bitch. I hate being the person who can't easily forget.
But one dear friend, another Cheated Wife, wrote this to me:
"I don't forget either. Because I believe that forgetting is not something one SHOULD do. Or should TRY to do. It's a natural process that happens when you are busy doing other things. And when 'other things' are done, one comes back to the memory... painful or otherwise.
However, I do forgive myself for being UNforgetful. I forgive myself for being human and for still hurting. I'm taking my own sweet time to heal.
I really think we should NOT forget. If we forget, we might make the same mistake - again. We might be betrayed - again. What happened was a lesson. So we learned. We don't forget
".
We forgive but don't forget. Perhaps that's the curse of being the Cheated Wife.

Saturday 26 March 2011

Earth Hour

Earth Hour will be in 40mins time. Let's switch off electricity for just one hour. Let's sit in the dark with your loved ones and reflect. Let's go green in the many little ways that we can. The little actions do matter!
Like last year, I'll be sitting by our small fish pond with Hubby and talk. Or maybe not talk. Maybe we'll just sit and watch the fish. And listen to the water. At times, no talking is good. Silence is good. Enjoying each others' company in silence is good.
Being in love is good. Healing the heart, even slowly is good.

Why Men Cheat???

I've finished reading Man and Boy by Tony Parson. Nope, I still don't get the answer to my question: "Why men cheat?". It simply tells that men made mistakes. Easy huh? Just blame it on human flaws.
I still have not received any answer from my Cheating Husband on why he cheated. He simply said he's very very sorry, he made a mistake, it will never happen again and I will never understand why he did what he did.

So, why do men cheat?

Friday 25 March 2011

Betrayal

My colleague came to me today with a damp tissue and tears streaming down her cheeks. She was sobbing and mumbling about her husband. I actually can't really understand what she was talking about between sobs and tears. But her story boils down to one simple fact that men seem to be so expert in doing - betrayal.
In her case it was about the husband borrowing money from his sibling and didn't pay back, and hid the act from his wife, and in the end that sibling asked the money back from the wife, accusing her of being the reason why the husband borrowed the money in the first place. This is the kind of story that I always hear about men. How selfish and insensitive they can be.

Thursday 24 March 2011

Man and Boy

No woman understands how a man thinks. Seriously. The Cheating Husband told me many times - he loves me very much but that I will never understand why he did it. He never meant to do it, it didn't mean a thing. Yup, I can never understand!
I'm now reading Man and Boy by Tony Parsons. In a way, the book is another version of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus - which I have yet to finish reading (I don't know, it's so academic and boring). Anyway, Harry, the character in Man and Boy, had a one-night stand and ended up being left by his wife. The book talks about Harry's point of view and though it does shed a bit of light about how men think and do the stupid things that they do, the real answer is never there. There is never the real reason for doing things.
Maybe there never is? I'm still reading the book. Let's see if there is an answer.

Wednesday 23 March 2011

Why I Have Many Blogs!

To tell you the truth, this is my 4th blog. I started my first blog in 2005 and have regularly written ever since. It's my personal blog and the stories are mostly about me and my family especially about my daughter. I have quite a few followers there.
My second blog was supposed to be professional blog about my work ie being a consultant. My aim when I started it was to eventually convert the contents into a book. But it only lasted about 3 months. I seriously couldn't afford to spend time churning out professional and academic thoughts. It was so stressful!
My third blog was something I aimed at getting even at the other woman who almost destroyed my marriage. I was still recovering from depression and thought that a place to share experiences and stories with other women with similar experience would be good. That too didn't last long. There's so much I can bitch about the bitch.
This fourth blog is something I believe I will maintain - a place to write stuff about being a woman - the stuff I wouldn't fit in my first blog. A place where I can write without being recognised other than identifying myself as the Red Hot Daisy :)

Tuesday 22 March 2011

Katy Perry Can't Sing!!!

Am I the only one who thinks Katy Perry can't sing?

Monday 21 March 2011

The Women

I managed to watch The Women again at Star Movies. A star-studded all-female movie. Yup, no men! It's a movie about women, must be watched by women, and must be watched by men/husbands. I don't know if things would have turned out differently if I had watched this before.
The whole movie can be quoted beautifully and meaningfully. If you wonder how it feels like, Candice Bergen said it in its entirety and truthfully. I was taken aback when I first watched the part, like my feelings were stripped bare for the world to see. But it was how it first felt and you either fight to win, or crouched and lose. I wish no women will ever feel or experience it because the pain is too excruciating. But then, women are stronger than they think they are... surviving is a choice, so set your aim to win.
If you are curious on how it felt to be a cheated wife, here it is.
Candice Bergen to Meg Ryan:
"It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream, you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but it's all out of your control. You can't trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are. Your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again."

Sunday 20 March 2011

Soothing Cough Remedy

My doctor friend recommended this remedy to sooth my burning red throat. I drank the concoction for a week and surprisingly my cough got better.
 
Honey and Lime Drink

Juice from 1 lime/lemon
2 tablespoon of honey
1 mug of warm water

Mix well and drink twice a day!

Friday 18 March 2011

Walk Off That Fat with Pedometer!

I know I'm not qualified to give fitness tips because my waistline still measures >34 inches. But ever since I have my pedometer permanently clipped at my waistband, I think I've toned up a bit. I have 5kgs to shed and I'm slowly trying walking to achieve my target.
To start, it doesn't really matter what kind of pedometer you buy really, as long as you can track your steps. Mine really is a cheap one because I just need to know my total steps and distance.
Omron Hj-113 Pocket Pedometer, Walking Style, BlackI read that 5,000 steps a day keeps you healthy and 10,000 steps a day makes you lose weight. 
Now, 3 simple tips to walk off that fat with a pedometer:
1. Minimise usage of emails, messaging and phone calls. I now walk to my colleagues' desks for short discussions. That simply earns me extra 250 steps a day.
2. Make a simple chart of your progress at the end of every day on your calendar. I feel so motivated at the end of each day and promise myself an extra 100 steps the next day. And if I found that the steps for the day are less than the day before, I would make up for that steps the next day.
3. Have a pedometer buddy. Compare your total daily steps with your buddy and get on a friendly competition. I bought my pedometer with a friend and we would text each other end of the day of our progress. Having a pedometer buddy can really be motivating!

The Wife is Always Prettier than the Bitch

The bitch whom my husband had an affair with is ugly and stupid. I believe that the other women is always ugly and stupid. True to my theory, I read recently that research shows that only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife. In my case, the bitch is much much younger than I am but her breasts droop like she walks on this particular part of the earth with stronger gravity pull. How did I know? She sent dozens of her naked pictures to my Cheating Husband. And because she's so stupid, I now have all those pictures. What do I do with them? Still thinking.
Anyway, that research tells that men cheat not because of physical beauty but trying to fill up emotion void. In my case, I don't agree with it. Because how do you explain the Cheating Husband running over to me every time he has problems?

Thursday 17 March 2011

Bounce Back from Rock Bottom

How does one bounce back after hitting rock bottom? After I found out about my husband's affairs, I thought my life was over. I spent weeks being sad and depressed. I walked around like a zombie - living but dead inside. However, I was blessed to have a truly good friend. She picked me up from my state of daze, shook me out of my nightmare and nudged me to move on.
It was New Year's eve when she called saying she would come see me the next day. I was watching TV where they showed live telecast of fireworks display at midnight feeling so alone at one minute into the new year. She made me promise I would go to the gym the next morning, at the very same time she would be at her gym. She then came, picked me up and drove to a beach 45 minutes from my house. We spent the rest of the afternoon sitting on the sand, talking nonsense and watching the waves. We had a good laugh and a good cry. And we ended the day with sumptuous seafood dinner. 
Hitting rock bottom is painful but turning to a good friend for comfort can help you to bounce back. Have a good talk and a good cry. You have all the rights to be sad and depressed. However, you have to move on with life and a good friend will be able to hold your hand and provide a shoulder to cry on...

Tuesday 15 March 2011

Declutter Your Desk, Declutter Your Mind

I believe that one's desk represents one's mind. A cluttered desk means a cluttered mind! I have a friend whose desk is so disorganised and full of stuff that it takes days to locate a document. Seriously, how can a person work with so many things on her desk? If you think your life is so messed up and screwed up, that nothing good ever happens to you, that other people seem so happy and full of life - everybody in this world except you - I have a very simple solution for you. Get rid of all the unnecessary stuff of your desk!!!
My rule of thumb is to have only 5 things on my desk at any one time. Only 5! If you have more, just spend 30 seconds to screen through your desk and get rid of that extra stuff. Deal with it later (but you must put time line to it!).
I can guarantee you a peaceful and productive time at your desk.

Yes, I Was a Cheated Wife

I'm not ashamed to admit it, I was a cheated wife. My husband cheated on me a couple of years ago. I have forgiven but not forgotten. And it still affect me till this day.
I still remember it clearly - the day I found out. It was early Saturday morning and I was on my way to the kitchen to make breakfast. My husband was asleep on the sofa after a late night of watching sports on TV. His mobile phone kept on buzzing. I picked it up, worried it might be an emergency, opened his messages and got the shock of my life.
I slumped on the kitchen floor not knowing what to do. My hands were shaking, I was blinking tears out of my eyes. How did this happen? There weren't any signs or were there? Perhaps I was blind. Maybe there were signs but I chose to ignore. I had so much faith in my husband, of him being faithful to me. After all, we have been married for almost 10 years and knew each other twice as long. We have a daughter together.
But the one thing that I never thought would happen to me actually happened. He cheated. He had an affair. I was the cheated wife.
And the other woman? Let's call her the Ugly Stupid Woman. For that is the kind of person she is - ugly and stupid. Till this day, she still is an ugly and stupid bitch.

Monday 14 March 2011

New Bride? Good Luck!

I was driving home yesterday when I saw these lovely newly-weds by the roadside. They were stopping by some rough-looking grass area to take photos. That's the trend nowadays apparently - to take artistic looking wedding photos.
Anyway, as I pass by, I looked back at them from my rear-view mirror. The bride so radiant in her wedding dress, the groom so handsome looking down at his new wife with so much love. So young, so much in love... So naive, so inexperienced...

And I said to myself - "Good luck girl! I hope that guy is worth all the trouble!".