What It Feels Like When You Know About The Other Women

What a long title!

Men, do you want to know how a woman feels inside when she got to know about your affair?

I picked this up from the movie - The Women. It's the scene when Meg Ryan went to see her mother to tell her about her husband. She then brushed her mother saying she can't possibly know how she feels, and the mother said, "Let me try...".

This honestly tells how it felt when I got to know:
"It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream, you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but it's all out of your control. You can't trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are. Your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again."

Got Married? Good Luck!

I was driving home yesterday when I saw these lovely newly-weds by the roadside. They were stopping by some rough-looking grass area to take photos. That's the trend nowadays apparently - to take artistic looking wedding photos. 

Anyway, as I pass by, I looked back at them from my rear-view mirror. The bride so radiant in her wedding dress, the groom so handsome looking down at his new wife with so much love. So young, so much in love... So naive, so inexperienced...

And I said to myself - "good luck!".

A Wife Should be Respected

There is this organisation called the Obedient Wives Club which came under fire recently due to their activities. According to them social ills such as prostitution, domestic abuse, etc were caused by wives who were not obedient to their husbands and failed to satisfy them sexually unlike “first-class prostitutes”. So, now they are offering courses to teach wives to become “first-class prostitutes”.
What the....??? Since when a wife's role is being degraded to the level of prostitute? Does giving a husband first-class service in bed the solution to such problems? Such stupid women!
What about men who are jerks? Who have no respect towards women? Who do not fulfill their responsibilities as husbands and fathers? Do you think by making them satisfied in bed would make them less being jerks and be respectful and be responsible?
For once, I'm not going to suggest anything. Why? Because this is a group of such narrow-minded and stupid women. You people can live in your own fantasies of solving problems by spreading your legs.

Giving It Another Shot

Happy times surpassed sad times. That's the basis of my judgement for giving this marriage another chance. I took 2 weeks leave from my marriage. Put my wedding ring on top of my jewelery box. And put on this - "whatever" attitude. I spent nights sitting in the garden looking at the stars. It was such a big decision. After almost a decade of being together, taking the break seemed liberating.
But there were many things that I missed. Our talks, our laughs, our worries, our happiness... I finally decided that the bitch was not worth it. If she was, my Cheating Husband would have left me for her.
That final night, I took my wedding ring and wore it back on my finger. My Cheating Husband saw it, took me in his arms and we kissed.
We are giving this a second chance...

On and Off!

It's an on and off thing. One day the ring is on, the next day the ring is off. I am a seriously undecided person. But love is a very strange thing. It's really difficult when love clouds your judgement. Yes, I very much love my Cheating Husband. And strange enough, I also hate him very much. At times, there is this fine line between love and hatred.

The Ring is Off - For Now

Even after 2 years, I have not forgotten. Forgive - yes. Forget - no. Maybe I am crazy. That I am being haunted by this ghost of a bitch years past. But I can't trust and love as before. Not after the painful betrayal.
So yesterday, I took off my wedding ring and put it on top of my jewellery box. It has since stayed there. I have no intention of wearing it back.

What the Bitch Taught Me

Perhaps I am a born patient person. But I am still the broken-hearted wife. But one lesson I learned from this whole Cheating Husband and Stupid Bitch experience is - face the situation with pride and class. (That means no screaming or yelling or hair-pulling or throwing things out the window!)
And most importantly, know that you are never at the losing end. It's his lost, not yours.
Put that in your mind. That's my advise.

Men Have Affairs Because Wives Neglect Duty?

Ibrahim Ali, a Malaysian MP, said that men have extramarital sex because of 'wives who neglect their responsibilities' to their husbands. He said, "Husbands driving home after work see things that are sexually arousing and go to their wives to ease their urges. But when they come home to their wives, they will say, 'wait, I'm cooking,' or 'wait, I'm getting ready to visit relatives'," Ibrahim said.
Oh my God, how many morons have we elected as MPs? Is that the reason why a man cheat? Because he comes home to a wife who's busy cooking for him and the family but can't stand the urges and find other women instead? How about the man's responsibilities to the family? Can't he help out the wife to ease the wife's burdens so that both of them can have quality time together later?
Such lame excuse to have an affair!

My Pillar of Strength

If you ever wondered who I turned to during that lowest moments of my life? = My precious little daughter who was just 7 years old at that time.
She was there for me to lend me her shoulders for me to cry on. She hugged and kissed me and told me her I-love-yous that made all my heartaches bearable. And most importantly, from the moment I could think straight (which was perhaps several hours later after I found out about the affair), I made a pact to myself.
I told myself - my life from then on will be for this little girl. And miraculously, this internal strength came back. The strength to live and to continue living. The strength to stand up and walk again.
From then on, I knew I was not alone. I have this little girl who needs me to care for her. And I have those little hands to help me through life.

For the Sake of the Kids?

Someone named Watie wrote to me telling me her story being cheated by her husband. In short: a housewife who cooks and cleans, takes care of the kids, everything a good wife should and would do, and in the end found out that her husband is having an affair with his colleague. And the sad thing was, her husband creates bad stories about her to attract other women. She's now suffering in silence for the sake of her children.
My reply to her:
Dear Watie,
I can understand how you feel. I do feel that way sometimes, at times, all the time. Life can never be the same. Yes, women can be stupid at times. I was stupid too! But men are more stupid actually - for not appreciating what's there in front of them.
Once I was so down and depressed, but I finally believe that I am not at the losing end. It is his lost and not mine. I did leave him. Because I believe I am strong and I can live my life without a man who can't appreciate what a great wife I am. I can live on my own with my daughter. But my husband can't. He realised it in just a couple of days how his life would be if both of us walked out on him.
I'm not suggesting that you do what I did. But you must believe in yourself. And at one point, you need to think about yourself. That you are worth more than you think. I'm not the best person to comment actually because I am different and a little bit crazy :) And to top that, I am a bit of a feminist. Also, I watched too much Oprah! But I do pray you will find happiness. And I pray your husband will eventually realise what an amazing wife he actually has at home.

How Can We Ever Forget?

My life after the betrayal has been, what should I call it, "disturbed". I am not the kind to easily forget even though I easily forgive. I hate it when I wake up in the morning and the first thing that came to my mind is the bitch. I hate being the person who can't easily forget.
But one dear friend, another Cheated Wife, wrote this to me:
"I don't forget either. Because I believe that forgetting is not something one SHOULD do. Or should TRY to do. It's a natural process that happens when you are busy doing other things. And when 'other things' are done, one comes back to the memory... painful or otherwise.
However, I do forgive myself for being UNforgetful. I forgive myself for being human and for still hurting. I'm taking my own sweet time to heal.
I really think we should NOT forget. If we forget, we might make the same mistake - again. We might be betrayed - again. What happened was a lesson. So we learned. We don't forget".
We forgive but don't forget. Perhaps that's the curse of being the Cheated Wife.

Earth Hour

Earth Hour will be in 40mins time. Let's switch off electricity for just one hour. Let's sit in the dark with your loved ones and reflect. Let's go green in the many little ways that we can. The little actions do matter!
Like last year, I'll be sitting by our small fish pond with Hubby and talk. Or maybe not talk. Maybe we'll just sit and watch the fish. And listen to the water. At times, no talking is good. Silence is good. Enjoying each others' company in silence is good.
Being in love is good. Healing the heart, even slowly is good.

Why Men Cheat???

I've finished reading Man and Boy by Tony Parson. Nope, I still don't get the answer to my question: "Why men cheat?". It simply tells that men made mistakes. Easy huh? Just blame it on human flaws.
I still have not received any answer from my Cheating Husband on why he cheated. He simply said he's very very sorry, he made a mistake, it will never happen again and I will never understand why he did what he did.

So, why do men cheat?

Betrayal

My colleague came to me today with a damp tissue and tears streaming down her cheeks. She was sobbing and mumbling about her husband. I actually can't really understand what she was talking about between sobs and tears. But her story boils down to one simple fact that men seem to be so expert in doing - betrayal.
In her case it was about the husband borrowing money from his sibling and didn't pay back, and hid the act from his wife, and in the end that sibling asked the money back from the wife, accusing her of being the reason why the husband borrowed the money in the first place. This is the kind of story that I always hear about men. How selfish and insensitive they can be.

Man and Boy

No woman understands how a man thinks. Seriously. The Cheating Husband told me many times - he loves me very much but that I will never understand why he did it. He never meant to do it, it didn't mean a thing. Yup, I can never understand!
I'm now reading Man and Boy by Tony Parsons. In a way, the book is another version of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus - which I have yet to finish reading (I don't know, it's so academic and boring). Anyway, Harry, the character in Man and Boy, had a one-night stand and ended up being left by his wife. The book talks about Harry's point of view and though it does shed a bit of light about how men think and do the stupid things that they do, the real answer is never there. There is never the real reason for doing things.
Maybe there never is? I'm still reading the book. Let's see if there is an answer.

The Wife is Always Prettier than the Bitch

The bitch whom my husband had an affair with is ugly and stupid. I believe that the other women is always ugly and stupid. True to my theory, I read recently that research shows that only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife. In my case, the bitch is much much younger than I am but her breasts droop like she walks on this particular part of the earth with stronger gravity pull. How did I know? She sent dozens of her naked pictures to my Cheating Husband. And because she's so stupid, I now have all those pictures. What do I do with them? Still thinking.
Anyway, that research tells that men cheat not because of physical beauty but trying to fill up emotion void. In my case, I don't agree with it. Because how do you explain the Cheating Husband running over to me every time he has problems?

Yes, I Was a Cheated Wife

I'm not ashamed to admit it, I was a cheated wife. My husband cheated on me a couple of years ago. I have forgiven but not forgotten. And it still affect me till this day.

I still remember it clearly - the day I found out. It was early Saturday morning and I was on my way to the kitchen to make breakfast. My husband was asleep on the sofa after a late night of watching sports on TV. His mobile phone kept on buzzing. I picked it up, worried it might be an emergency, opened his messages and got the shock of my life.
I slumped on the kitchen floor not knowing what to do. My hands were shaking, I was blinking tears out of my eyes. How did this happen? There weren't any signs or were there? Perhaps I was blind. Maybe there were signs but I chose to ignore. I had so much faith in my husband, of him being faithful to me. After all, we have been married for almost 10 years and knew each other twice as long. We have a daughter together.
But the one thing that I never thought would happen to me actually happened. He cheated. He had an affair. I was the cheated wife.
And the other woman? Let's call her the Ugly Stupid Woman. For that is the kind of person she is - ugly and stupid. Till this day, she still is an ugly and stupid bitch.

New Bride? Good Luck!

I was driving home yesterday when I saw these lovely newly-weds by the roadside. They were stopping by some rough-looking grass area to take photos. That's the trend nowadays apparently - to take artistic looking wedding photos.
Anyway, as I pass by, I looked back at them from my rear-view mirror. The bride so radiant in her wedding dress, the groom so handsome looking down at his new wife with so much love. So young, so much in love... So naive, so inexperienced...

And I said to myself - "Good luck girl! I hope that guy is worth all the trouble!".